I’ve struggled through many different breakups, I get all emotional and wonder why I can’t make it work. What I did wrong, how I could’ve done things differently. No break up is ever easy. However; if you do not learn from them, the same thing with continue to happen to you over and over and over until you learn.
So here’s what I’ve found worked for me:
WRITE HOW YOU FEEL!
If you don’t have a journal that’s fine, get a piece of paper from anywhere, or even open your notepad on your phone. My suggestion is to actually physically write it down, there is something about writing with a pen that is so much more empowering inside.
So start with just how your feeling in in the beginning, get mad at yourself, get mad at the people who hurt you, tell yourself whatever you need. Release it.
Then, look at the patterns in the last relationship, or even the last few you had. What went wrong? What are you meant to learn. Make a list. Find anything you may have that comes to mind that could’ve prevented the relationship from working and left you alone.
For example, and to stay real, here’s some of the things I came to realize for myself:
- I rushed, got too excited too quick and leaped into the other persons arms.
- I gave them my body too soon, I didn’t make them work for something so precious to me.
- I let them in too soon, shared my secrets, told them so much about my life and who I am. I left everything open and left myself vulnerable.
- I thought I could be the light in their life that made them want to change.
- They weren’t who I wanted them to be from the very beginning.
- I ignored the Red Flags, looked passed the things that would normally be deal breakers hoping to find something else inside them.
Then, after you take the time to re read the things you have written for yourself, no matter how short or long the list is, reflect on it. Write out a paragraph of what you will do differently the next time to avoid the same thing happening again.
Write a list of deal breakers, and a list of the things you look for in your partner. This leaves a permanent reflection to look back on if your heart wants to over look the deal breakers.
In the end, write yourself a note, reminding yourself how important you are. Write why you need to value all that you’ve written. So when your heart clouds your intuition you have that note of empowerment to help kick your focus back into gear.
This does not mean you have to close your heart off and wait for the right person to come and be Prince Charming. It doesn’t mean don’t put ourself out there and try to get to know people. It means take your time, evaluate any person who seems to be an interest of yours. Take your time to get to know them, to feel how you feel and how they make you feel.
(Trust me I’m kicking myself for never taking that advice… for sometimes I’ve felt I was too far in once I realized it may not be for me, and cared too much to hurt the person or let them go, dragging on something that wasn’t going to last)
But hey, this is just my advice! Feel free to help me add to this knowledge so we can all contribute to helping people set their boundaries right! And find that love they’ve always dreamed of!