It wasn’t easy in the slightest. It all began in the washroom at Walmart, at 7:05 am. I waited in the parking lot for about an hour before they opened there doors because I could not go any longer without being sure. So there I was… looking down at these two pink lines on a pregnancy test in a stall in the public washroom at Walmart. So many thoughts went through my head… my head was spinning. I put it in my purse, walked out, and went back to my car. Then I cried.
I called my bestfriend, she knew right away, she wasn’t sure what to say or how to properly say it. She did her best and told me its really up to me what I do next and gave me support in whatever direction I chose. I began to drive home, I couldn’t sit alone in my thoughts. No song could help me right now. So I called another bestfriend, she always gives me good advice. She said a lot of helpful words to keep my mind at ease. I lost reception so I decided to just make it home.
My mom was there waiting. I had sent her a photo of the test while I was in the stall so I had a bunch of texts from her I hadn’t opened. She came outside to my car and acted like this was the best news ever. My heart was numb, I told her not to get too excited as I wasn’t sure what I was going to do yet.
I had to tell the father. The last time we spoke we got in a fight and he basically told me that we never need to speak again and it would be better that way. I texted him and told him I needed to speak to him and it was important, to please call me when he could. While I sat there talking with my mom, the phone rang. My heart pounded. I answered.
“Hello?” I said. “Hey, what do you want.” He replied. I took a deep breath… How was I going to even say this out loud to him? I gathered myself together the best I could and began, “Well, I don’t know exactly how to say this.. but I took a pregnancy test and well.. I’m pregnant.” He was silent, he followed with what I figured he would say by saying I need to be real about this, that we are both not ready for it, especially him, and I should consider getting rid of it. However, ill give him the benefit of the doubt he still made sure to say, whatever I choose he will support me. When we hung up the phone I left it with the fact that I had a lot to think about and that I would be going to the doctor as soon as I could and figure out my options. He texted me later and said he would like to go.
I should also mention at this point he had already found a new girlfriend he was dating since we well, you know. So all of this was just one of my biggest nightmares in the sense that I always wanted to have kids, but never like this. My heart was shattered.
We met a few days later to go to the doctor, who confirmed I was indeed pregnant. Then again in Walmart parking lot.. we sat at our vehicles and he basically said everything he could to convince me not to go through with this. When we finally left the conversation I drove myself to the beach. I had to think.
As I sat there I prayed and prayed for god to help this choice become clear to me. I felt so lost. I went back to my car and I called the abortion clinic. They were closed, I left a message. Later on that night I decided to join a single moms group to see what other single moms advice would be. The support and love and strength I felt from the responses helped me immensely. I knew then, I could in fact do this, with or without him.
So I sent him a text saying I will be doing this, and his role is completely up to him. Later on that night he replied, and said lets do this, and give it the best shot we have. Not together romantically, but as a team to raise this child. It really made me feel so much more relieved.
So there I was, officially embracing my first steps of being a mom… I had to break the news to important family members. I was so scared to tell my dad. When I eventually did he surprised me and gave me his support no matter what. I realised that I wasn’t going to be alone, I had a village to help raise my child. Even the fathers side of the family reached out to me and made sure I knew they would be there.
Now I’m 4 1/2 months pregnant, and boy I’ve gone through ups and downs I’m half way there and I’m excited, scared, nervous, and everything in between. However; I know in my heart I will be the best mom I possibly can. Its about me and my child now. I have a deeper purpose, I’m creating life inside me. It feels beautiful and nerve racking all at once. I’m glad I made this choice.
All I knew is I would look back and wonder what if my whole life if I chose not to have it. And I knew I wouldn’t look back and think, “Damn I wish I didn’t have this child.”
Whatever choice you choose to make, at the end of the day, is the right choice for you. You can get the opinions from so many different people, but ultimately it is your choice, one you have to live with forever. Make it the right one.